


Elfie-selfie!

by furloughday



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Chromatic Yuletide, F/F, M/M, Misses Clause Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 11:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2810624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furloughday/pseuds/furloughday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gina disappears when Holt is out of the office, and the team has to track her down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elfie-selfie!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oddishly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oddishly/gifts).



> Hello oddishly! I hope this fluffy B99 fic fills you with Yuletide cheer!

 

  
When Jake gets into the office on New Year's day, Rosa's ready with a t-shirt, a fake mustache, and a hefty amount of shame to dole out.

"You'll be needing this," she says, tossing him the first two.

To Jake's credit, he catches the shirt mid-air, and applies the mustache to his upper lip promptly and without complaint. But that counts for little in the face of Rosa's outstanding defeat of every one of the Nine-Nines. She puts her feet up on the desk and leans back in her chair.

Jake sighs, but pulls on the shirt anyway and looks down at himself. ‘All Bow to the Mighty Diaz' is written across the chest in block letters.

"At least yours fits," Amy says sympathetically.

They all look to where Terry's letting some of New York's millennials out of the drunk tank, his muscles bulging out of the sleeves of his shirt, the fabric molding to his perfect abs.

"One-size-fits-all," Rosa says. "Like the shame you're all feeling right now. Ha."

Charles nods. "That's fair. By the sacred rules of the bet, Rosa does have bragging rights for the entirety of 2015."

The rules of the Annual Ice Cream Eating Competition were written up last January. They're on a pink post-it note stuck to the wall behind Gina's desk, written by hand because Gina'd just gotten her nails done that day and couldn't be persuaded to risk chipping them.

"I have to admit, the way you just opened your mouth and swallowed that scoop of chocolate ice cream whole—" Terry says, and shudders. "I'm not going to lie, it reminded me of my brother-in-law's python swallowing a live pig."

"I felt totally fine this morning," she tells him. And it's true. "I slept like a baby."

Terry gives her a sidelong look. "Just like the python."

"Whereas I've had a brain freeze since my second sundae," Jake says, rubbing at his forehead. "Damn you, Diaz."

They're all so caught up in discussion of her clear victory, even Rosa's surprised when Captain Holt comes out of his office to give them all a dark look.

"I will not see this precinct start off a new year with useless dilly-dally," he intones, and then surveys the room. He doesn't seem to be surprised at the sight of all of his officers in their t-shirts and mustaches. "What is the meaning of this?"

Jake organizes a few pens and Charles sits up straighter. Rosa drops her feet from the desk and looks at some paperwork she's planning on getting one of her minions to finish for her shortly.

There's a silence before Amy stands and says, "I can explain, sir," just as Jake launches into an explanation of his own.

Holt interrupts them after three minutes. "From what I've divined from those two strangely conflicting tales, is that Rosa won the ice cream eating competition last night, and all losers must do her bidding for the entirety of the day. Am I to understand that this the way this precinct called in the New Year?"

Jake hangs his head. "That's about the sum of it. Although I do feel compelled to point out that, after failing the ice cream contest last night, Detective Santiago went out and arrested three men for public indecency, perhaps due to the sugar high. She now has the highest arrest rate in the precinct."

Holt looked Amy's way. "I'd commend you, Santiago, if it weren't for your excessive consumption of ice cream while on duty."

Amy's mustache seems to droop. "I understand, sir."

Holt looks around the room, more than mildly unimpressed. Rosa sinks down further into her chair and hopes he won't notice her.

"All bets are off," Holt says. "You have put the face of the entire of the department at stake. Think on that as you go about your day. Now, as you may or may not recall, I have a function to attend this afternoon. As the rest of you are children, I'm putting no one in charge of the precinct today. If you have a problem, one that you can't solve, figure it out. If it's an emergency, call me. But think hard before doing something so drastic."

There is a sad silence in the office, and for the first time, Rosa somewhat regrets her decision to eat more than her weight in dessert.

"And as it appears Gina is also eschewing her duties," Holt says. They all turn to Gina's desk, which is still empty. "I charge all of you to find her and let her know. Happy New Year."

And with that, he leaves.

 

 

 

 

Amy sits at the edge of Rosa's desk, uninvited. "He was really angry," she says. "Do you think there's something wrong? He only gets that worked up when there's something, you know...personal going on. Maybe his home life?"

Jake also leans against Rosa's desk, upsetting the careful disarray that makes people think she's doing work. She looks pointedly at the file he's creasing, but he just taps his chin and looks into the middle distance. "I don't know, he and Kevin Cozner — awesome name, by the way — seemed totally in love at the mandatory office Christmas party. Remember the way he laughed at Holt's non-joke?"

"That was amazing," Amy says. "I wrote it down as a Holt Quolt. Is that a dumb name for my quote book?"

In Rosa's opinion, Amy's obsession with Holt is only understandable. Amy's a very decent person, and Holt's a great guy. That is, when you talk to him. If you talk to him. Rosa avoids talking to him or even making eye contact. It works better for her.

"Do you think there's something else we did to put us on the Captain's naughty list?" Jake says, then snaps. "Good god, I didn't realize how excellent that sounded until it left my mouth."

"I'd high five you if you weren't my underling for the day," Rosa assures him.

"Awesome. Validation accepted! Where is Gina anyway?"

Rosa's been wondering that all morning. Gina, for all that she masterfully avoids doing actual secretarial duties at all costs, is usually at least present at work when she's supposed to be.

"Charles," Amy says. "Where's Gina?"

"How should I know? Gina and I aren't together anymore."

The others seem suprised, but Rosa knew this already. She may have been been keeping tabs on the situation.

Charles shakes his head, "It got weird after our parents started seeing each other. I'm not sure why."

Jake looks like he might be sick. "Uh, maybe because the horrifying image of the holiday dinners that might ensue? The couples dates? That's just too weird for comfort."

Charles pats him on the shoulder. "You're right. Thanks for looking out for me, brother."

"Any time."

"Anyway, I feel fine about it. Gina and I were just like two bunnies, going at it. But we were purely physical, no love there at all. Which is a shame, because my fans really liked her."

After gagging, Amy manages, "Fans?"

"You know, my readership. For my blog."

Rosa frowns. "You wrote about Gina on your blog? Isn't that just about food?"

"She is the sweetest of macaroons."

"Gross," Rosa says. Even if she's inclined to agree.

"So now that we've surmised that Charles is no longer special friends with Gina," Jake interrupts, clearly not wanting to tread further down that dark path. "That can only lead me to one conclusion. Rosa?"

"How should I know?" Rosa says, uncertain why all eyes are now on her. "You're the one who's her best friend."

Jake and Amy look at one another, and there's a long pause.

"What?" Rosa says.

"Well, you're her...you know," Amy says.

"Her what?"

"Come along, Santiago," Jake says. "No need to end up on anyone elses' naughty list. Especially someone frightening."

"Damn right, I'm frightening," Rosa says.

"I was talking about Linetti, with her collection of small knives, but ok, you, too."

"I'm her what?" Rosa says again. When no one seems like they're going to answer her, and even the people behind bars across the room seem to be looking at their feet, she says, "I command you as your New Year's overlord, to tell me what you were about to say."

"Does that command go for everyone in the vicinity?" Charles asks. "I'm not sure as to the exact rules on the use of 'you' as a plural or singular—"

"Yes," Rosa says simply.

"Charles—" Jake starts.

But Charles bursts out anyway with, "Gina has a crush on you."

Rosa sits up straighter in her chair. "What?" she looks at him, trying to decide if Charles would ever lie to anyone, and for what purpose. "That's highly unlikely."

Charles stands and extends an arm like he's about to perform a monologue, possibly holding a skull for effect. He says, "It was not three years ago, when Gina had just joined the precinct, that you two made out in the supply closet during the holiday party. And she has harbored a not-so-secret passion for you ever since."

"Charles—" Jake says, putting a hand over his eyes.

Rosa just stares at him.

"Tell me how you know that or I'll make you do my work for a month," she says.

Because Charles was obviously wrong. He was a romantic at heart, and definitely read too many romance novels. She'd seen them in his desk drawers.

It had been that one time. Just once. One half-hour during a holiday party a few years ago doesn't mean anything, she knows. And it isn't like she's been holding on to the memory of it for years.

Although every time Gina asks Rosa to brush her hair for her on the break room couch, Rosa has a sense memory of the slide of Gina's hair through her fingers on that night when they'd just met, and every time Gina lends Rosa her chapstick, Rosa recognizes it as the one that she'd tasted on her lips all night of the party after Gina'd broken away from her and said, "Not half bad, Detective," and left Rosa there in the closet, momentarily dumbfounded.

And sometimes, just every so often, Rosa might imagine what it would be like to spend more time in that closet.

Charles is currently explaining to the room how he got this knowledge. "I know because I went in to get an extra box of staples, and saw them there."

"Why'd you need a box of staples during the party?" Amy asks.

"Santiago." Rosa turns on Charles. "Did she tell you?"

He shakes his head. "No. She doesn't know that I know. You didn't know because you were in the middle of making out. I wasn't going to tell anyone, but your power as per rules of the bet made me betray you."

"Arg, it's all coming together," Jake says, grabbing at his forehead. "I'd always suspected her obvious infatuation with you but this new information explains everything. God I'm a bad detective."

"And you've got the lowest arrest rate to prove it," Amy says, looking wide-eyed at Rosa but never above taking the opportunity to point out Jake's shortcomings.

"It meant nothing," Rosa says. "There was a lot of eggnog."

Rosa had spent the first half of the party that night playing darts with their competitors, the Nine-Eights. Then Gina had walked in, the cute secretary in the sparkly elf costume.

"Nothing can happen," Rosa tells them. She knows it's true.

Charles looks at her sympathetically. "Is this because you're sleeping with Holt's nephew?"

"Boyle!" Rosa says.

"No way!" Amy says.

Jake's jaw drops. Although this situation is getting somewhat out of control, Rosa does enjoy her apparent ability to shock and awe all those who come into contact with her.

"That bonafide hottie?" Amy says. "Related to Holt? With his strong jaw and respectable demeanor?"

"The very same," Charles confirms.

Jake shakes Charles's hand. "Charles, you've done it again. God bless your inability to keep that big mouth shut."

"His nephew is of age," Rosa points out. "And before any rumors start spreading, remember that I have a fuse like a firecracker and I'm a black belt in everything. Besides, we've broken it off."

"I'm sorry," Amy says. "It sucks to be dumped."

"Who said anything about him dumping me?"

"Oh."

She's never been dumped in her life, but has heard that it does suck.

"I'm just not interested," Rosa says.

"Because you're in love with Gina," Jake nods. "You know she keeps a tally of the times she's gotten you to smile, right?"

Rosa purses her lips, looking at all the sincere faces of her friends. Rosa supposes she wouldn't be opposed to Gina having a crush on her.

They don't stop staring at her until she says, "Fine, I'm in love with Gina. Are you happy?" at which point they all cheer.

"Scratch what I said earier," Jake crows. "I am a great detective."

"You're very annoying," Rosa tells them.

"Now let's find out where she is so we can tell her the good new—" Amy cuts off at Rosa's death glare. "So we can follow Holt orders and won't have to do overtime?"

 

 

 

 

This is harder than it sounds. They search up and down the station, but find no sign of her. Not in the secret bathroom, which contains the only mirror allowed in the precinct after the great purge, and not near the holding cells where Gina sometimes likes to teach dance class to bored perps. Her phone seems to be off. Gina is smart and wily, Rosa knows, but she's starting to worry a little. Her detective senses are pinging.

In the end, it's Rosa who finds a clue, and in an obvious place. She picks up a heavily perfumed note off Gina's desk, Jake and Amy coughing at the overwhelming waft of _eau de princesse_.

 _Dear Team,_ it reads in the chicken scratch that is Gina's efffort. They can only make out what it says by way of group effort. _I've gone on an important mission and may never return._

"And that's it," Rosa says.

Charles shakes his head, chuckling. "Classic Gina."

"What do you mean?" Terry says, dropping the note back onto the desk. "It's completely incomprehensible."

Charles nods. "That's what I mean. I can't make heads or tails of it."

Jake growls in frustration. "As a kid she always used to write in code. She's been so sarcastic for so long that she's begun to embody it so that she's nearly impossible for the real person to quantify."

"Do you think she was kidnapped?" Amy says. "Threatened? Maybe she's found herself involved in some sort of fashion black market, and she's finally gotten in too deep?"

"You know as well as the rest of us that she is," Rosa says. She forces herself to think clearly, taking a deep breath. She thinks not of her vow never to speak to Holt directly and only of Gina's safety, when she says, "We're going to have to call the Captain."

 

 

 

 

Half an hour and two almost car accidents later, the team screeches up to a secluded botanical garden on the Upper West Side. They jump out of the car the second the wheels hit the curb. When Jake's bumper falls off, they pay it no mind.

"Hurry!" Amy yells behind her, taking off at a run alongside Rosa.

"The Captain said Gina was with him! Then, he immediately hung up on me!" Jake gasps, pulling his armored vest around him as he sprints. "If that's not a sign he and Gina are in serious trouble, I don't know what is!"

Rosa pushes herself to run faster. "It's a good thing I could track his phone."

"You're really scary sometimes Rosa!" Charles calls after her.

"I know!"

"NYPD!" Terry says, reaching the gates to the garden first and flashing his badge at a man in a suit who's at the entrance. "Captain Holt is inside, along with an unknown number of people! We need to get to him fast!"

"That is correct, right this way," says the man placidly. And Rosa doesn't know what he's about, but he doesn't seem to be packing a weapon so he's none of their concern.

They race past the man, and down a path into the garden. Then they all draw up short behind a fancy flower arrangement at the noise of a few bars of music.

"Is that a cello?" Jake asks, tipping his head to the sound.

They contine down the path, crouching, ready to fan out and take the situation on from all sides. When they turn a corner, however, they find themselves in an intimate setting, a rose garden with the sun shining down through a an oak tree onto rows of chairs.

They slow to a walk, watching people mill about. Rosa tries to make sense of the situation.

"His phone GPS said he was here," she says. There are no weapons or danger in sight, only a group of about thirty people in formal attire, on a beautiful, chilly day in New York.

"What is going on?" Terry says.

Because they seem to have stumbled upon a small wedding celebration. The white chairs are draped in fabric and festoonments of white roses line the makeshift aisles. Frost on the grass makes the setting look like a fairyland.

"There's the Captain!" Amy says, and Rosa sees that Captain Holt is under an arch of roses with Kevin, talking to a woman in a nice dress.

But Rosa only has eyes for Gina.

She spots Gina seated at the back row of chairs, a few seats down from a small boy and his mother who seem to be giving her space. She has a bottle of wine in hand and a bouquet in the other, and she seems to sense their presence in the way she's always able to do, across a crowded room.

She turns and half stands, waving a hand. "Rosa!"

Some of the guests of what she is now sure is definitely a wedding turn to look, but then return to their conversations. The band takes up practicing the wedding march, and Rosa makes her way to the chairs.

"You're safe," Rosa says, coming up next to the row of chairs. "We thought you were dead."

Gina looks unworried and offers Rosa the wine. Rosa drinks straight from the bottle.

"What would ever have led you to that foolish conclusion?" Gina asks.

Jake joins them, apologizing to a man whose dog he'd almost tripped over. "Gina! What are you doing here?"

"Captain Holt asked me to decorate for his renewal of vows."

They look around. The setting now makes sense.

"I did not," Holt says, coming up behind them.

Gina puts up a finger. "Correction, Captain Holt did not ask me to decorate for the wedding." She smiles benevolently. "But my giving nature and collection of feather boas led me to this project."

"That was...very thoughtful of you, Gina. Your feather boas can be found decorating those bushes over there."

Slowly the panic is leaving Rosa. She is cool under pressure, but the idea that Gina may have disappeared is not something she was ready to deal with.

Meanwhile, Amy sounds rapidly cheered up by the idea of the ceremony. "I had no idea that you were renewing your vows, sir," she tells him. "Congratulations. How could I be so unobservant?"

"Must have been that time you skipped the fourth grade," Gina tells her. "You missed out on an important moment in your development."

"How would that—" Amy says, then pauses. "Wait, how do you know that about me?"

To Rosa's delight, Gina comes out with, "Oh, I keep a book of secrets about every person I know, in case the information comes in useful."

"Ok, creepy. And how is the fact that I skipped the fourth grade blackmail material?"

Gina squints at her. "Only time will tell."

Holt seems unrushed, despite the fact that the band sounds like it's ready to start whenever they are, and all the guests are taking their seats. Rosa's got to hand it to him.

"Detective Santiago," the Captain says. "I assure you that you had no reason to know about this, and your failure to divine for no reason that this would occur today was in no part due to…poor detective abilities."

"Oh, she keeps a diary of your every move," Jake assures him. "She has reason to feel like a failure."

"Now who's the creepy one?" Gina says to her, and Amy looks disappointed.

"We meant to keep this a quiet affair," Holt says. "But it seems all of our friends are…party animals."

There are indeed many well-dressed family members in the pews, along with many of the guests who had been in attendance at the party they'd attended at Holt's house.

"And Peralta, why are you wearing your sleep pants and a shirt that reads ‘All Bow to the Mighty Diaz?'"

"I'm sorry I must pay homage to the victor. As per rules of the bet."

"Who let these people in?" Kevin says, coming up beside them. Then he squints at them all and draws himself up taller in his green suit, allowing a bit of a smile. "Oh, hello there. I didn't recognize you in your...disguises."

"The mustaches made them seem very distinguished," says the guard, coming up to their group and breathing hard like he's run to catch up with them. He says, apologetically, "I assumed they were guests. I hope I was not mistaken."

"Raymond," Kevin says. "Kindly ask your colleagues to take a seat. This is not a college party nor a ho-down. And oh look, here's the flower girl."

"Wuntch," Gina hisses, and Rosa turns to see that that snake Wuntch has indeed decided to crash the party. She's in a yellow dress, and is holding a basket.

"Captain," Rosa says. "Permission to save your wedding?"

Captain shakes his head. "Permission denied. Wuntch here lost a bet."

Jakes ears perk up. "Bet? What bet?"

"I thought you said no more bets," Amy points out.

Wuntch grimaces. "Just a small wager. A temporary set-back, but victory shall be mine."

"We'll see about that, Wuntch," Holt says, and his tone is steeped in reserved glee when he says, "The flowers?"

"As you say." She raises an eyebrow, and the eye contact holds even as she pulls a basket of rose petals from the nearest pew and throws them in a despondent manner.

The music begins and Rosa looks furtively around before taking a seat in the chair next to Gina. Rose petals rain down behind Wuntch as she walks stiffly up the aisle, and Kevin and Holt link arms and follow her.

"All's well that ends well," Rosa hears Charles say, and Terry nods. The ceremony is very touching, it's true, and Rosa blinks back a leaf that falls into her eye.

"Do you, Raymond Jacob—" says the woman at the front, and Rosa notices Jake biting his fist and letting out a half sob. "—Holt, promise to continue to have and to hold this man, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," says the Captain.

Rosa ignores the rest of the ceremony as Gina leans in to whisper. "I left you a letter."

"I should have guessed that was for me," Rosa says, and then they're silent watching the ceremony for a bit before she gets up the nerve to lay it all out there. "They knew about the time you kissed me in the supply closet."

"Ah yes, you were the sexy officer in the black dress," Gina says, sounding dreamy. "I think about it every time I use a new pen or need to get a rubber band when I'm out of hairties."

Rosa watches Holt take Kevin's hand, and licks her lips before saying, "So, this doesn't screw things up?"

"Of course not." Gina takes her hand as well, and Rosa smirks down at it.

They hold hands until Kevin and Holt are walking down the aisle, at which point they all stand to applaud with the rest of those in attendance.

As people begin walking out of their rows to get drinks at the tables nearby, Rosa says, "I brought you this," remembering suddenly. She pulls a shirt out of her pocket.  
"Ah! A token of your affection." Gina puts it on immediately over her pink sparkly dress. Rosa notices her last name is now over Gina's heart.

"Yes, I'm very romantic," she says. "And as the official ruler of 2015, I can offer you the status you desire. Together we can rule the precinct."

Gina smiles. "Now if only there was a romantic setting, like a closet or maybe a shed somewhere." She bats her eyelashes, looking around at the twinkly lights decorating the rose garden as if trying to find such a place. "Or maybe an old-fashioned cave."

"You've been watching a lot of Animal Planet," Rosa notes. Which is true. She's seen it on Gina's Netflix queue.

Gina nods. "It's my inner wolf. Take me, Rosa, for I am yours."

Rosa swoons when Gina kisses her. Rose petals flutter through the air and when they pull away, Rosa can taste that very same chapstick on her mouth, no longer a memory.

Gina looks starry eyed and not all that sarcastic when sighs in happiness. "And they all lived Happily Ever After."

Rosa is not able to help the smile that quirks the edge of her mouth. "Who are you talking to?"

"There's always a camera somewhere," Gina says.

"Ok," Rosa says. "End scene."

She kisses her again.

 

 

 

Later, when the whole team's seated at their unofficial table at their favorite bar, Terry inadvertently starts another bet, one that results in Rosa accidentally moving into Gina's place for a week. But that's another story for another day. Rosa might accidentally let it slip herself this time.

 


End file.
